Dying To The Broken Self

By Anonymous


Some time ago, I got into a major — and potentially relationship-ending — argument with someone I love. Tensions between us had been growing for years, but until that night I felt the widening rift could be healed. I will spare the details, but when our phone call was over, I felt utterly devastated. I was emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically exhausted. I managed to make my way to the kitchen floor where I sat with my wife reviewing the pain of my phone conversation.

Well into my recounting, I stopped talking and sat silently, allowing a new realization to present itself to me. I felt I was at the same time the bearer of a great and burdensome sorrow as well as an observer watching, as it were, from the outside. In these few moments, I understood in a new way the fragility of life, especially that of an addict or anyone engaging in harmful behavior.

Even though I work with addictions—and have battled my own demons—this moment seemed to me to be one of great decision. I very much understood the pull of the bottle and the needle. I heard the siren song of online pornography enticing me with sweet-sounding, but bitter lies. In the midst of my pain, all those temptations that would destroy me and my family called out to me, and I understood—even as I resisted... (read more)

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